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Monday, February 25, 2013

Making a Marriage Work

Last week in our town paper they had a special edition dedicated to the couples in our county who have celebrated 50 years or more of marriage. My grandparent's were included, and when I read their little section, I cried. I can't really explain why, I guess it was just sheer adoration for them both. Words cannot express how much of an example they both are to me.

After I read their section, of course I read the other couple's honored, and each couple some way or another mentioned this in their articles.

Divorce was never an option. 

I think as a nation we're amazed when a couple reaches the 50 year married milestone. But why?? Shouldn't being married for an extensive amount of time be the norm? I think, yes, but sadly that's not the case. And let me just preface by saying that I'm not judging anyone who has gotten divorced. Sometime there are circumstances where it's the only option - for instance, cheating. I, personally, would have a hard time staying with my spouse if they had cheated on me. Like I said...sometimes divorce is the only option, and I understand that.

But let me also say, I think sometimes couples give up too easily when it comes to their marriage. Once the waters get rocky, people want out as quickly as possible. I think they all too easily forget the vows, "for better or for worse." I think this stems from a variety of things...not dating long enough (and yes, I think that's need to get out of the lovey dovey stage before you even consider marriage), bad communication, anger issues. But aren't these issues you could consider working out...or are we just all so stubborn we want ideal circumstances??

I will say, I'm not married...yet (only 215 days though!!!!!!), but I know that I'm going to strive my hardest to make our marriage good and I want to learn to love Nathan more every day. I know it's not always going to be sunshine and roses and I'm not going to love him to pieces every day. I know we're going to have our rough days, but I want the amazing days to outweigh the bad. I want to make our marriage work instead of giving up when things are less than ideal.

Am I naive in thinking this?? I don't think so...if so, what's the point in getting married??

So lay it on me, what are some crucial pieces of advice to make a marriage work??


Julie said...

Divorce isn't an option for me, and quite honestly that means being very patient and lenient with Keith and of course all the obstacles that come with our marriage.

The best pieces of advice to make your marriage solid that we follow are:

1) Date nights are a must - even when you have kids because if you don't you're going to lose each other when all the attention is on them, or work, etc. We do weekly date nights, which is also tied in to our one night a week eating out.

2) Have girl nights/guy nights - I have once a month girls nights and on those nights he does his best to hang out with his guys.

3) Be patient - Keith grew up in a different lifestyle than I and quite honestly is lazy to an extent (his mother taught him this as she did everything for him, up until I started dating him). So he's still realizing that I can't do it all so sometimes I have to take what I use in the classroom and apply it to our life.

I could probably go on and on but I hope that helps you a bit! :)

Lana said...

I am looking forward to reading the comments!

Now, this is the opposite of what some people say, but you know how you hear "Never go to bed angry"? Well, I say the opposite! Go to bed angry or you'll be up till late arguing and I swear, things are always less dramatic after a night's sleep. :)

Jordan said...

I couldn't agree more! So many people are getting married to the first person they "fall in love with" just so that they can get married. It's sad.

Susannah said...

I think your point that people have to say that divorce is never an option is one of the keys to a long, happy marriage. If you know you're stuck with the person forever, you're going to work your problems out, rather than live in agony. I've only been married a year and a half, but I can easily say that divorce will never be an option for my hubby and me. (As long as neither of us get abusive and crazy things like that)

Katie said...

I think you're exactly right-- you can't go into marriage thinking that you have an escape route. Otherwise it will be too easy to pull the plug. You've just got to know that there will be things that come up, but you're in it for the long haul, so you have to work through it.

Everyone says marriage is hard, but I haven't found that to be true. Yet. We've been married four months, and I'm sure it's not going to be all sunshine and roses forever. But marriage is great. :)

Robin said...

I think the single most important piece of advice is:
Base your relationship on the person you know - your husband. Some people put way too much value on what their friends/family say or what is happening with their friends/family. Just because another person's husband does something, it doesn't mean yours will. All men and husbands are not the same, just like all of us women aren't.